Are you a Good Mother?- Why So Many Mothers Feel Like They're Failing—Even When They’re Doing Everything Right

Let me guess: you're doing all the things—keeping the kids alive, holding your relationship together, maybe even holding down a job or running a business. You’re ticking the boxes, showing up, giving your all…

And yet—there's still a voice that says:“You’re not doing enough. You’re not good enough.”

Not a good enough mum.

Not a good enough partner.

Not a good enough employee or boss or friend or daughter.

Not a good enough woman.

Sound familiar?

You're not alone. And more importantly—it isnt your fault you feel this way, You’re trying to fit into a system that was never built for you.

The Good Mother vs. The Successful Woman

In the Mama Rising program,(the Matrescence facilitation course created by the incredible Amy Taylor-Kabbaz,) we talk about two powerful cultural forces that shape our identity as women:

• The Good Mother

• The Successful Woman

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Both of these identities come with heavy expectations that are often overlooked or just plain ignored.

“Scratch the surface of most mothers, and there is still a high expectation of what a mother ‘should’ be: always present, never angry, self-sacrificing, resourceful, natural.”— Mama Rising Definitions & Concepts

When we become mothers in our modern society, this isnt always the reality- and we feel like failures if we cant keep up.

And then there’s The Successful Woman—the one we were told we could (and should) become. The one who “has it all.” Who climbs the ladder, who is always busy, productive, independent, in control. Never asking for help and continuig to manage EVERYTHING with seemingly no issue and a smile on her face.

“The Successful Woman ideology celebrates climbing the corporate ladder, masculine leadership qualities, and productivity over anything else.”— Mama Rising Definitions & Concepts

So whats the big deal? Isnt it a good thing to want to be all of these things?

The problem is that these things all simultaneously together is impossible. And it is definitely not realistic.

To be The Good Mother, you must be selfless, nurturing, always available.To be The Successful Woman, you must be driven, boundary-setting, constantly striving.

And yet we’re expected to do both at the same time.

Is it any wonder we constantly feel like we’re falling short?

The Rigged System

What we’re actually up against is what Mama Rising calls The Rigged System—the impossible set of expectations that tell us we can “have it all,” but only if we sacrifice our wellbeing to get there.

“Although we are told ‘she can have it all’, the only way she actually can is to sacrifice her health, her time, or her relationships to prove she can keep up.”— Mama Rising Definitions & Concepts

It’s not that you’re failing.It’s that the system is rigged.

We’re measuring ourselves against outdated stereotypes and cultural ideals that don’t reflect the truth of motherhood today. And instead of calling it out, we internalise it. We blame ourselves. We try to “fix” ourselves. We perfect. We self-silence.

As we say in Mama Rising:

“We don’t get mad—we get perfect.”

The Truth About Matrescence

There’s a name for what you’re going through. It’s called matrescence—and it’s as real and as profound as adolescence.

“Matrescence is the complete transformation and identity shift of a woman as she moves through motherhood—psychological, social, emotional, physical, economic, cultural and spiritual.”— Mama Rising Definitions & Concepts

Once you know this, things start to make sense.

The feelings of not-enoughness? The pull between wanting to be home and wanting to work? The grief for the life you used to have mixed with the deep love you feel now? That’s matrescence in motion.

It’s not your failure—it’s your transition.

And the more we talk about this, the more we name it, the more we soften the grip of those outdated ideals. The more we allow each other to show up imperfect, whole, and human.

What Now?

As a certified Mama Rising Facilitator, I’ve trained under Amy Taylor-Kabbaz to hold space for this transformation—to help women like you see that the feelings you’re having are not a sign of weakness but of growth.

You’re not “too emotional.”You’re not “falling behind.”You’re evolving. You’re becoming.

And that voice that says you're not good enough? Let’s teach it some new lines.

JOIN ME FOR A FREE WORKSHOP: Rediscover What Really Matters to You

If you’re ready to reconnect with who you are beneath the noise of motherhood, join me for a free workshop to get back your confidence and find a clear path forward to a happier more in control you.

We’ll gently explore what truly matters to you now, what lights you up, and what’s shifted since becoming a mother.

This is not about fixing yourself—it's about redefining who you are.

🔗 Click here to save your spot

You’ll walk away feeling clearer, more grounded, and more connected to the woman you’re becoming.

Let’s do this together.

Lou x