The Mental Load of Motherhood (And Why Summer Makes It Worse)

There’s this thing that doesn’t show up on to-do lists, family calendars, or job descriptions — and yet it dictates how most of us feel every single day.

It’s called the mental load — and if you’re a mother, chances are you’re carrying it.

It’s not just the tasks you do, it’s the constant, relentless thinking about what needs to be done. It’s remembering school admin, birthday gifts, and who currently won’t eat anything orange. It’s knowing which kid needs sunscreen reapplied and who’s on the verge of a meltdown. It’s being constantly aware of everything around you, including your own feelings, your partners, your kids and th endless to do list that has to be kept on top of for family life to just "work"

Managing trying be a good partner, a decent friend, and maybe squeeze in five minutes of something that vaguely resembles self-care.

And then summer rolls around — and it gets even heavier.

Why Summer Feels So Hard

The summer holidays should be relaxing, right?

But for many mums, summer means more pressure, not less.

The kids are off school, which means days need to be planned, meals need to be constant (how are they always hungry?), and your usual routine? Gone.

You're juggling playdates, activities, the endless question of "what are we doing today?" — all while trying to keep on top of work, life admin, and a relationship that probably hasn’t had much time to breathe.

And if you live somewhere like Ibiza, where the holidays seem to go on forever and guests are always visiting, the pressure to host, entertain, and make magical memories is at an all-time high.

It’s a lot.

The Guilt Spiral

What makes it even worse is the guilt that bubbles underneath it all.

You wonder:

• Am I doing enough?

• Should I be more present?

• Are they having a “proper” childhood summer?

• Is screen time ruining them?

• Should we be at the beach more?

Just some of the constant questions running through my brain!

You scroll Instagram and see someone else’s cute summer picnic or a day spent planting seeds in the garden, and instantly feel like you’re failing.

There’s this constant feeling of needing to do more — but no time, energy, or headspace to figure out how.

The Invisible Labour of Summer

The thing is, most of the work you do in summer isn’t visible.

It’s not just the physical logistics. It’s the invisible, emotional load of keeping everyone happy, organised, regulated, and well-fed — while carrying the mental tabs open for work, your partner’s schedule, and your own inner critic.

You're planning holidays, meals, activities, managing expectations, and being the social coordinator for the entire household. You’re navigating tantrums, overstimulation, late bedtimes, and sugar crashes.

And when you finally sit down at the end of the day, you had planned to use this time for yourself, to finish some work or work on your side hustle. Or even get round to reading that book. But your brain is still spinning.

You’re exhausted.

So, What Can We Do?

Let’s start with this: You are doing enough.

Your children don’t need a Pinterest-perfect summer. They need you. A you who is calm, connected, and not completely burnt out. I know I sound like a broken record with this - but its true!!

Here are a few reminders:

• You don’t have to entertain them all day. Boredom is good. It builds creativity (and patience).

• You don’t have to say yes to every invite. Protect your peace. Choose rest.

• You can ask for help. From your partner, a friend, a coach. You don’t have to carry it all.

• You’re allowed time alone. Even during summer. Especially during summer.

And if you’re feeling like the mental load is becoming too much — that’s not a personal failing. It’s a sign you’re doing or carrying too much alone. It might be time to start naming it. Sharing it. Redistributing it.

You Were Never Meant to Do It All

We’ve been sold a myth that a “good mother” can juggle it all — with a huge smile!

But maybe the better version of motherhood is this: showing up real, not perfect. Asking for support. Saying no. Letting the laundry wait. Deciding on priorities and what actually matters to you.

Let’s stop glorifying the woman who carries it all in silence. And start honouring the one who speaks her truth, draws her boundaries, and asks, “what about me?”

Because you matter too.

Want to lighten the load this summer?if you are in Ibiza- Join a Mothership event. Come for a walk. Talk to someone who gets it. Or reach out for a one-to-one coaching session.You don’t have to carry this alone.

We also have a free online Values workshop for mums in September, which is open for registration now. It will be an opportunity for mothers to look at what matters to them now, and try to move forward with clarity and confidence. Once you realize your true values, you start to see the mental load get a little lighter because you have the knowledge and power to manage it in alignment with what matters to you and what will make your life better - the way you want to. Join here.